How to Grow Rhino Skin-Guest post by Josee Telfter

Hi friends! Today we have Josee Telfer sharing a writing craft post with us.

How do you deal with rejection? Does it just run off your back like water off a duck? Or do you curl up in the corner, never to write another word? Josee has a great post for us today on how to deal with rejection and how much control to let it have over our lives. Here's Josee!

How to Grow Rhino Skin

Every writer knows rejection is a given. At best, it’s a quick pinprick, without lasting pain. But a particular rejection at the wrong time, from an unexpected source can knock you down so hard, you seriously consider walking away from your writing for good.

In my native language of French, we have a proverb that states, “Tout nouveau, tout beau.” There’s no English equivalent but it means that whatever is new is beautiful. It can pertain to an object, a relationship, a job, anything really. After the newness wears off, we become disenchanted by the cracks and imperfections we see, maybe for the first time.

Several years ago, I attended a regional writer’s conference where I met some of the most generous, warm-hearted people because writers are truly some of the kindest out there. I was a fresh-faced newbie writer floating along in the honeymoon phase where everything is exciting and even the hard bits are wonderful because they’re character builders.

In one of the conference workshops, a New York Times Bestselling author opened her session with a story about meeting with her editor in a crowded Manhattan restaurant for lunch to discuss her most recent novel. She’d poured her heart and soul into her book, as writers do, and it had been an especially difficult story to write. She was thrilled with the finished product and felt very proud of her accomplishment. But over lunch, her editor took a deep breath, leaned forward and in a hushed voice informed her there were serious problems with the novel. It needed a lot of work. The author, who by this point had penned more than a dozen best-sellers, burst into tears. Right there at the table, in the middle of the restaurant.

This story shocked me. I thought to myself, if a talented, successful writer like her could still have her precious work decimated, there’d be no hope for me. On my drive home that weekend, I made the decision that no matter how many rejections I received, no matter how awful the critique, I wouldn’t let them get me down. I was going to develop rhino skin.

And I did. I queried nearly two-dozen agents and got rejected over and over. I didn’t shed a single tear. I lost contests and didn’t bat an eye. After I signed with my agent, she subbed out my novel only to be met with one “no” after another. I refused to let it get me down. I’m not saying it didn’t sting. Rejection is never fun. Some hurt more than others. The ones you really want can be especially painful, but still, I dug my heels in and told myself it was all part of the business. Sometimes I gave myself a day to feel dejected. But never more than that. After all, I had work to do. And besides, J.K. Rowling got rejected seventy-three times. Or something like that.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Excited about my new project, I sent away the first few chapters for a critique. I know this person doesn’t hold back, but I’ve always appreciated that level of intensity. I trust her, implicitly.

I opened the comments and only made it halfway through before I fell apart. As I sank to the carpeted floor of my bedroom, my positive outlook collapsed, and a gush of tears poured forth for the better part of the day.

An exceptionally busy week compounded by financial stresses and personal matters had softened my rhino skin. Unbeknownst to my astute critiquer, her comments unraveled me in a way I never saw coming.

For the first time in my writing journey, I seriously considered walking away. I’d given it a go, I told myself, and tried with all my might, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I pleaded with God to either open a door or remove the desire to write from my heart.

A funny thing happened. Later that evening, I found myself thinking about my story and my characters. Ideas ran through my head about how to fix the issues. Puffy-eyed and exhausted, I took out my pen and notebook and scribbled notes.

The next morning, I woke up and cried again. That was a first. Then a friend reminded me in a simple text that I was going to get rhino-tough skin. That was enough to snap me out of my funk. Because look, in this business, you’re either going to tough it out or you’re not.

So, what can you do to develop Rhino Skin?

• Separate yourself from your work.

As creatives, we pour ourselves into our art. Rejection feels personal because to a degree it is. However, you are more than what you write or create. Remind yourself of that. Maybe your book isn’t the right fit for that agent or editor, or maybe it needs a lot of work. Either way, it’s about your novel, not you as a person.

• Remind yourself you’re in good company.

Every success story leaves behind a trail of rejection. Successful people don’t back down. They meet rejection in the face and up the ante. Talk to fellow authors about their struggles. Google “famous author rejections.” That should make you feel better.

• Become solution-oriented.

Rather than allow the critique or rejection to crush you, turn it around and ask yourself how you can use it to your advantage. Successful people come back from rejections with new proposals. Maybe you need to look at things differently. That might mean writing in a different genre or word count or stylistically changing things up. Try first-person narration if you’ve always written in third. Think of rejections as calling cards moving you into the path you’re supposed to be on.

• Set a time limit.

When rejections come your way, decide how long you’ll allow yourself to wallow. Is it a few hours? A day? I recommend nothing more than twenty-four hours, or the following morning when you wake up, whatever comes first. If you allow yourself a limited amount of time to grieve or be sad about the “lost” opportunity, you’ll be surprised how much quicker you move on.

• Be grateful for the rejection.

“If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.” I have that quote on my home screen. When rejections come, Thank God that he kept you from something that wasn’t meant for you, or wasn’t in your best interest. Rather than focus on what you’ve missed out on, tell yourself it’s only narrowing the field and bringing your target into sharper focus.

• Set small goals.

Nothing can deter action faster than a stinging rejection. Set small goals that you know you can tackle in a short amount of time. That sense of accomplishment will propel you forward and help get you out of the funk. Then stick with it. Consistency is key.

Lastly, press on. The most successful individuals aren’t necessarily the most talented, or the brightest, or the most educated. They’re the ones who persisted.



Author Bio:
BIO: Josee Telfer writes Contemporary Romantic Women’s Fiction. In addition, she is a free-lance editor and ghost writer whose work has appeared nationally. In her free time, she likes to challenge herself in the kitchen by cooking international foods from around the world. Currently, she’s on a Korean food kick which was likely triggered by her love of K-Dramas. Originally from Québec, Canada, she lives in Vermont with her husband and their three children. A 2018 Golden Heart Finalist, Josee is represented by Ann Rose of Prospect Agency.
Visit Josee’s website at https://www.joseetelfer.com/


Friends, I sure hope you enjoyed Josee's post! I've learned so much. Now, let's get to writing and submitting!

Thank you so much for joining us here today, Josee!

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