Zoe McCarthy: How to Edit Awkward and Wordy Sentences

Hi friends! Today, my good friend Zoe McCarthy is our guest talking about how to improve our sentences in writing. Everyone, say hello to Zoe!

Author Bio:
Zoe M. McCarthy was pegged an expressive analytic in a personality test. Isn’t that an oxymoron? But it’s true. Zoe couldn’t survive without expressing her creative imaginings. Yet, this retired actuary* and introvert receives her energy from being alone in her home office overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Believing opposites distract, Zoe has seven published Christian contemporary romances. Her stories involve tenderness and humor and heroes and heroines who learn to embrace their differences. She also has a book out on writing, Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days. Zoe and her husband enjoy canoeing and spending time at their lake cabin, where she writes during month-long sabbaticals—alone.
*Actuaries perform all the mathematical analysis for insurance companies, pricing products and estimating reserves to pay claims.

Here's Zoe!

11 Fixes to Edit Awkward and Wordy Sentences

“Telling me to ‘Be clear’ is like telling me to ‘Hit the ball squarely.’ I know that. What I don’t know is how to do it.” —Joseph M. Williams

First, let’s look at an awkward, wordy passage in Ella’s point of view.
Grayson had said he’d made a decision not to return to their relationship due to the fact that Ella was unable to change.1 But hadn’t he seen her establishment of a different approach to her behavior over the last year? 2 She’d made great improvement in the area of dealing with life’s problems. 3

Under the circumstance in which Dr. Peters came to town, Ella’s hope to become a better person had been ignited by him. 4 It was her belief that Grayson wasn’t aware of the root of her poor attitude, but Dr. Peters was. 5 Through the patient inquiry method therapy, he showed her how her upbringing had an impact on the way she perceived and reacted to her environment. 6 He really helped her rise above her past injuries and learn new ways of how to respond to her fears.7

Second, let’s consider fixes for clearness and conciseness – sentence by sentence.
(All 11 fixes are mentioned – a few, multiple times. Fixes are in parentheses.)

Sentence 1.
• Watch for the verb make: make a decision (decided); made use of (used); made a correction (corrected).
• Avoid wordy phrases: Due to the fact that. (because) Was unable to. (could)
• (Or rewrite the sentence.)

Sentence 2.
• Avoid changing verbs into nouns, especially adding –tion. For example, rewrite, was in need of an estimation, as “needed to estimate.” For Sentence 2’s establishment of a different approach, (she’d established. But better to rewrite the sentence using simpler strong verbs).

Sentence 3.
• Watch for the word make: made great improvement (improved).
• Avoid vague noun phrases: in the area of dealing with (remove the unnecessary phrase the area of.)
• (Or rewrite the sentence.)

Sentence 4.
• Avoid wordy phrases: Under the circumstance in which (when)
• Use active voice. Watch for the word by: Her hope to be a better person was ignited by him (he ignited her hope)

Sentence 5.
• Limit it is, there is, and there are: It was her belief that (she believed, but the entire phrase is unnecessary)
• Avoid negative forms of phrases: Wasn’t aware of (was unaware of; was oblivious to; was clueless)

Sentence 6.
• Avoid strings of nouns: patient inquiry method therapy (asked probing questions)
• Avoid inflated words: had an impact on (had affected) (more examples: facilitate (help); cognizant of (know))

Sentence 7.
• Delete weasel words: really helped (helped) (more examples: very unique; quite nice)
• Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases: of how to respond to her fears (to face her fears)

Finally, let’s look at a possible rewrite in Ella’s point of view. Grayson claimed Ella could never change and refused to reconcile their relationship. What did he think she’d been tackling this past year? She’d turned her life around.

When Dr. Peters came to town, he’d ignited Ella’s hope to become a better person. While Grayson was clueless to what caused her poor attitude, Dr. Peters had uncovered the source. He’d asked probing questions, then explained her upbringing had affected how she viewed and reacted to others. Over time, he’d helped her forgive her abusers and learn healthier ways to face her fears.

The edited version is 91 words compared to the original’s 143.

Which of the eleven fixes will improve your sentences?

Zoe has written a book Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript. Below is more information about this book.

Information on Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days

Zoe McCarthy’s book, Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days, is a fresh and innovative refocusing of your novel or novella. Through a few simple—and fun—steps, Zoe helps writers take their not-ready-for-publication and/or rejected manuscripts to a spit-polish finish. Writing is hard work, yes, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. ~Eva Marie Everson, best-selling and award-winning author, conference director, president of Word Weavers International, Inc.

If you want to increase your chance of hearing yes instead of sorry or not a fit for our list at this time, this book is for you. If you want to develop stronger story plots with characters that are hard to put down, this book is for you. Through McCarthy’s checklists and helpful exercises and corresponding examples, you will learn how to raise the tension, hone your voice, and polish your manuscript. I need this book for my clients and the many conferees I meet at writer’s conferences around the country. Thank you, Zoe. A huge, #thumbsup, for Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days. ~Diana L. Flegal, literary agent, and freelance editor

Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript is a self-editing encyclopedia! Each chapter sets up the targeted technique, examples show what to look for in your manuscript, then proven actions are provided to take your writing to the next level. Whether you are a seasoned writer or a newbie, you need this book! ~Sally Shupe, freelance editor, aspiring author

Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days is chock-full of practical techniques. Numerous examples clarify problem areas and provide workable solutions. The action steps and blah busters McCarthy suggests will help you improve every sentence, every paragraph of your novel. If you follow her advice and implement her strategies, a publisher will be much more likely to issue you a contract. ~Denise K. Loock, freelance editor, http://www.lightningeditingservices.com/

Tidbit about the book: For over seven years, I’ve devoted my blog to mostly writing topics. In 2016, an editor and an agent, separately, told me I needed to turn my writing blog into a book. I didn’t want to throw blog posts into a manuscript. I wanted to help authors write their novels or get their manuscripts in shape so they could avoid the rejections I experienced in the early years of my writing journey. So, I attended a workshop on turning a blog into a book and began putting the book together. The publishing company of the editor who suggested I write a book published Tailor Your Fiction Manuscript in 30 Days in 2019.

Here is Zoe's contact link and a buy link for Tailor Your Manuscript in 30 Days

Contact Link:
https://zoemmccarthy.com

Buy Link:
https://www.amazon.com/Tailor-Your-Fiction-Manuscript-Days-ebook/dp/B07PF7RBQZ



Friends, I sure hope you enjoyed Zoe's post helping us with our writing! Check out Tailor Your Manuscript in 30 Days and her other books. 

Thank you so much for joining us, Zoe!


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